


I'm So Glad

by OhLookMoreFanFiction



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Angst, Bellamy Has Feelings, F/M, otp, please kiss, please writers just give this to us, this is going to hurt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-12
Updated: 2018-06-12
Packaged: 2019-05-21 07:17:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,268
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14910846
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OhLookMoreFanFiction/pseuds/OhLookMoreFanFiction
Summary: Bellamy finally finds out Clarke contacted him daily for six years, but the reaction isn't what Clarke expected.





	I'm So Glad

Octavia was on the war path again. Training her troops in the open air to strengthen them. Dreams of bloody grandeur filled her warped head. And no matter what Clarke did, Madi was completely spellbound: a Wonkru fan girl. This morning, she’d found Madi sharpening a stick in their tent. Normally, it would mean a fishing trip was on her agenda. Not this time. It was to show Octavia her resourcefulness in making a weapon out of anything.

Clarke needed a minute. Being a mom was turning out to be the actual worst. She ducked into the bunker med bay, exploring what her mother and Jackson had done with the space. Things were too tidy – too organized for how chaotic the air was down here.

She couldn’t wait to reconnect with her mom. Maybe figure out what was going on. The hollow, blown-out look Abby gave her when they parted ways a week ago… It had haunted Clarke since. She peered at a stack of papers with her mother’s writing on them, seeing a detailed record of prescriptions.

“Finding what you need?”

Bellamy’s form filled the door frame, arms crossed and crunched across his broad chest.

Clarke gave him a slight smile, turning to look at him across the crude metal tables.

“Just came here to think,” she shrugged, revealing how mentally drained she was feeling.

He raised an eyebrow, nodding his head a bit: “Too much crazy here for me.”

The stool scraped on the floor as she pulled it out, slumping down to rest her elbows on her mom’s desk.

“This is NOT what I thought would happen when you came home.”

A smile tickled his lips. Bellamy snorted gently and took a few steps into the room, leaning against a cabinet.

“Would have appreciated a warning,” he said playfully, smiling with his eyes.

Clarke bantered back. “Well… I DID call…” She gave him a warm, knowing look.

Bellamy’s expression didn’t change, except for a slight squint in his eyes.

Clarke’s face darkened a little, hesitation knotting into a heavy weight in her stomach.

_Oh God. He doesn’t know._

She’d never been ashamed of it before, but she wanted to crawl into a ball and hide. All of a sudden, the gravity of what she did wrenched her heart.

_Am I embarrassed right now? Why?_

“I…. I thought Madi told you.”

“…Told me what?”

There was a beat – the calm before the storm. Clarke could play this down now. She could minimize the heck out of this.

“I radioed you. Just to…. Update you on the valley, and the bunker… and Madi.”

His face seemed to be mellowing a little.

_Good job, Clarke. You're pulling this off._

“The first few times, I had hope, but after a certain point, I think I knew you couldn’t hear me. And that’s okay. I knew you'd come home eventually.” She gave him a reassuring half-smile.

He nodded, silently wondering if Raven or Emori had somehow missed those communications. And maybe others? Perhaps they could have returned sooner.

“Yeah, we were kind of busy making things work up there. How many times did ya try?”

At first Clarke looked down, trying to diminish the secret with a veil of _**no big deal**_. But she couldn’t lie to him. Not now. Maybe not ever again.

“Um, well… I think… I don’t KNOW, but I think I was unconscious for three, maybe four days after the Death Wave.”

She nodded vigorously, approving of her own story and convincing herself to keep confessing. “And I missed two days.”

_Stop nodding, Clarke.  
_

She nodded again, trying to make it sound like two days was a large sin tainting the thousands of righteous calls she had made.

Bellamy’s face went blank, like he was waiting for a word - a syllable - a sound that sounded familiar.

“Yeah, there were two days I missed. One was when I caught fever and was unconscious yet again.” She fondly recollected how brave Madi had been that winter evening. “Technically, we didn’t miss it. Madi called that night. But I didn’t…”

More nodding and slight shrugging, of course, to make it feel more like _**no big deal**_.

“And I missed the second day because the radio broke. I scavenged some wire to fix it and called at like two in the morning. But technically, I missed the cutoff for that day.” She said the last bit with a little defeat, like she was still mad at herself for not solving that problem quicker.

She looked up, realizing she’d fixated on her boots to get herself through her speech. Bellamy’s mouth was a little open. At some point, he’d stopped leaning against the cabinet and fully faced her. Now he stood lifeless, hands hanging limp at his sides.

There was a very uncomfortable silence. Clarke was holding her breath without realizing it.

“….. You called us everyday?”

She promptly corrected him. “No, I….”

“Yeah, I know, you said you missed a few days, but….”

“NO.” She interrupted him back. “I…..”

Her brain didn’t want to send the words to her mouth, so she breathed in deeply before carefully saying: “I called YOU every day.”

And now that the dam was broken, why not make it worse?

“Sometimes multiple times a day,” she said in a breathy voice, a little laugh at the end. “If we found new plants, or, made a breakthrough, or I needed to ask you about teen girls because you raised one…. I just…” She trailed off.

“I just didn’t want you to forget about me,” she offered nonchalantly, picking at her nails to keep that fear from materializing.

More dead, dead silence. She swallowed hard. His raspy voice floated on the air to where she sat.

“You think I could forget you?”

Their eyes locked across the room, telling him that she really thought _**yes**_. Maybe he could. Maybe he had.

Bellamy’s eyes got wide with horror now, the realness of Clarke’s news settling in.

“I assumed you were dead, and you assumed I wasn’t.” He seemed shocked at the words coming out of his own mouth. Speaking them for Clarke to hear, but processing them in solitude. His eyes darted around, trying to ground him. “I gave up on you the second I could. The second I knew it was okay…”

She could tell his brain was scrambling, pushing guilt into him that he thought had been resolved years ago.

“Bellamy…” she shushed.

“No…. you don’t get it.” His hands went to his hips in classic Bellamy-pose. He took a few steps towards her.

“If I would have gotten your calls, I wouldn’t have been able to function.”

Clarke was confused. He almost looked like he was angry with her.

“Every. Day. Hearing you struggle. Hearing you get sick? Be hungry?” his voice broke, eyes welling up.

“Not getting to see you happy… Knowing you were in PAIN…?” he breathed in sharply, gesturing with his hand for emphasis.

“And that I couldn’t DO anything. That I couldn’t help? That you had to do it alone. Raise her…. ALONE?”

Clarke’s own eyes were teary, considering for the very first time what it would have been like for him.

“I’m glad I couldn’t hear you.”

He said it in a way that betrayed him. Clarke could tell he knew his words were horrid, but that he was saying it for himself and not anybody else. He sobbed once before saying it again.

“I’m so glad I couldn’t hear you, Clarke.”

And he was gone.

Clarke still sat at the desk, mouth gaping, tears falling on her mother’s careful notes.

**Author's Note:**

> Second, resolving chapter coming soon.
> 
> Tell me - Does this sound feasible? Can you hear Bell and Clarke having this convo? 
> 
> If you want to reblog this or find me on Tumblr, here's the link to this story:  
> http://teambingewatch.tumblr.com/post/174810232533/dad-realizes-mom-left-3000-voicemails
> 
> Thanks for reading!!


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